Its a little bit after midnight, and I find myself up thinking, as usual, about my weight. But this time its a little different. I am thinking about my households diet habits.
I watched a little clip from Jillian Michael's "Lose it with Jillian" show on her website, and it shows the difference between using a little bit of Pam Cooking Spray and using Olive/Vegetable/Cooking oil and how heavy and bad for you it is. This set me off thinking about how I eat and how my hubs eats as well.
If you have met my husband, you will know that he is NOT overweight in any sense of the word. He is fairly tall (6') and somewhere around 170lbs. Not an extra pound on him. However: he lives a lifestyle like someone who is over weight. He eats fast food, fries everything, and eats pretty unhealthily unless I am home cooking for him. (I have had to show him how to make a energy filled lunch for work before. He didn't understand the phrase "empty calories".) And his exercise extends as far as the end of the day bell for work. Mind you, his job is incredibly physically demanding, yet he does not exert the effort out side of work to exercise. (NOTE: I am not dogging him about not exercising, I am simply making a point, so bear with me.)
Brian and I have basically the same diet and exercise level, yet, I pack on the lbs, where he, just stores a couple extra that he could burn off with one day of riding his dirt bike or a week of doing some sit ups. Why is this? What is the difference between man and woman that causes women to store our body fat instead of burning through it like men do?
I have a theory. We are supposed to be busier then our men. Think about it. 100 years ago, even if men were working construction or something, women were running around after the kids, cooking, cleaning and generally keeping order of our households, and it didn't stop when the husband came home. It continued, making sure he was taken care of as well. Here is another theory: labour. It makes so much sense. At the base of our physical purpose, women are made to procreate. A 1000 years ago, that's all women were for, makin babies. (No hating on this, its true and we all know it.) YES, society has since changed, but our bodily functions have not. Having bore a beautiful baby girl last year, I realized that my metabolism has slowed down. I believe it is because, now that my body knows that I am of child bearing ability, it knows it needs to start storing up energy reserves for me.
If you add the first 2 theories together, you will get my final theory: that our bodies are supposed to burn more, there for it stores more so we can stay reasonably healthy and energetic to keep up with the demands of our families. Makes so much sense to me.
Well, that is my random, silly thought for the day on weight. Probably makes no sense to anyone else but me. :D Oh well. This is probably nothing new to anyone else, but the thought was crossing my mind as I got ready to head to bed.
I hope you have a busy, calorie burning day tomorrow, and lots of lovely relaxing dreams tonight!
5.26.2010
Sex, Jealousy, and their impact on relationships.
Today I talked to my mother-in-law for about 45 minutes, which, while its not that unusual, I found myself wishing I would just shut up, but couldnt stop myself. And as I am writing, I realize, that I kept talking because I felt the need to connect with another human being on a deep, emotional level, and she happened to be there at the right moment, and was someone I was comfortable enough with for me to do so.
The human need for emotional connection with other humans, is something that is complicated and has been confusing the human population since the dawn of time. Adam needed something more than physical company, he needed another human being to connect with.
My MIL and I got on to the topic of relationships to ex's, and how it is a natural thing to feel jealous when our ex's move on, regardless of whether or not we have. I know that when one of my ex's finally started steadily dating one girl almost 4 years after we split, I felt insanely jealous, and I know that when my last ex prior to my husband finally dates and marries someone else, I will feel that familiar twinge of jealousy. Its almost as if we are saying "how dare you! How could you move on and be happy after me?" Its not that we dont want them to be happy, its just a normal feeling. As a born and bred Christian, I was taught that we were not intended to date multiple people and then subsequently have sex with multiple people. There is an emotional connection to anyone we are that intimate with that you will not have with those whom you do not/have not had sex with. Sex simply complicates things. We all know its true. No one can deny it, even those who are serial "wam!-bam!-thankyoumaa'am-ers". Regardless of how you feel about sex, it will alway complicate any relationship you have. But I believe it is particularly hard for those who have procreated with a significant other. I know this one person, who had a child with someone, and then several years later, they split up. It took the other party a while before settling down and begining to date someone new, but once they did, the first person became, (from my outside perspective,) insanely jealous and has since done almost anything possible to make life for their ex as difficult as possible, and by doing so, trying to split them and their new partner up. Now the first party moved on, several times infact, but felt that that was alright.
In what way is this ok?
Now, I am saying again, IT IS OK TO FEEL A LITTLE JEALOUS. Just don't act on it. It is normal, considering we were never intended to have multiple partners in the first place. Shakespeare calls jealousy the" Green-Eyed Monster". The philosopher annd founder of Pennsylvania, William Penn, said, "The jealous are troublesome to others, and a torment to themselves." Jealousy only makes your own life a living hell. People can become so blinded by jealousy that they do not even realize how unhappy they are.
Fine Frenzy's song, Almost Lover, "I never wanna see you unhappy, I thought you'd want the same for me."
People who are unhappy, don't want to see those around them happy, because it forces them to realize how unhappy they are.
Maya Angelou had this to say on the subject: "Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening."
I like to research things and in researching this, I found someone who had said it better than I could, so instead of paraphrasing, I will let you read what they wrote. This is what the Bible has to say on the matter:
"The Bible tells us that we are to have the perfect kind of love that God has for us. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). The more we focus on ourselves and our own desires, the less we are able to focus on God. When we harden our hearts to the truth, we cannot turn to Jesus and allow Him to heal us (Matthew 13:15). But when we allow the Holy Spirit to control us, He will produce in us the fruit of our salvation, which is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). " (http://www.gotquestions.org/jealousy-bible.html)
Well I think that pretty well sums it up.
This ended up going in fifty different directions. So, I will stop for now.
Have a sparkly, love filled day!
The human need for emotional connection with other humans, is something that is complicated and has been confusing the human population since the dawn of time. Adam needed something more than physical company, he needed another human being to connect with.
My MIL and I got on to the topic of relationships to ex's, and how it is a natural thing to feel jealous when our ex's move on, regardless of whether or not we have. I know that when one of my ex's finally started steadily dating one girl almost 4 years after we split, I felt insanely jealous, and I know that when my last ex prior to my husband finally dates and marries someone else, I will feel that familiar twinge of jealousy. Its almost as if we are saying "how dare you! How could you move on and be happy after me?" Its not that we dont want them to be happy, its just a normal feeling. As a born and bred Christian, I was taught that we were not intended to date multiple people and then subsequently have sex with multiple people. There is an emotional connection to anyone we are that intimate with that you will not have with those whom you do not/have not had sex with. Sex simply complicates things. We all know its true. No one can deny it, even those who are serial "wam!-bam!-thankyoumaa'am-ers". Regardless of how you feel about sex, it will alway complicate any relationship you have. But I believe it is particularly hard for those who have procreated with a significant other. I know this one person, who had a child with someone, and then several years later, they split up. It took the other party a while before settling down and begining to date someone new, but once they did, the first person became, (from my outside perspective,) insanely jealous and has since done almost anything possible to make life for their ex as difficult as possible, and by doing so, trying to split them and their new partner up. Now the first party moved on, several times infact, but felt that that was alright.
In what way is this ok?
Now, I am saying again, IT IS OK TO FEEL A LITTLE JEALOUS. Just don't act on it. It is normal, considering we were never intended to have multiple partners in the first place. Shakespeare calls jealousy the" Green-Eyed Monster". The philosopher annd founder of Pennsylvania, William Penn, said, "The jealous are troublesome to others, and a torment to themselves." Jealousy only makes your own life a living hell. People can become so blinded by jealousy that they do not even realize how unhappy they are.
Fine Frenzy's song, Almost Lover, "I never wanna see you unhappy, I thought you'd want the same for me."
People who are unhappy, don't want to see those around them happy, because it forces them to realize how unhappy they are.
Maya Angelou had this to say on the subject: "Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening."
I like to research things and in researching this, I found someone who had said it better than I could, so instead of paraphrasing, I will let you read what they wrote. This is what the Bible has to say on the matter:
"The Bible tells us that we are to have the perfect kind of love that God has for us. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). The more we focus on ourselves and our own desires, the less we are able to focus on God. When we harden our hearts to the truth, we cannot turn to Jesus and allow Him to heal us (Matthew 13:15). But when we allow the Holy Spirit to control us, He will produce in us the fruit of our salvation, which is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). " (http://www.gotquestions.org/jealousy-bible.html)
Well I think that pretty well sums it up.
This ended up going in fifty different directions. So, I will stop for now.
Have a sparkly, love filled day!
Someday, we will only just remember how it feels.
I was on my way home from a quick bite with a couple of friends, when Rob Thomas' "Someday" came on the radio. It was the first time I had heard the song and it was rather poignant and relative to my life as of late. So of course I did 1 of 2 things: 1) I looked up the lyrics. 2)I pulled Rob Thomas up on a play list. Reading through the lyrics, I was touched and it got me thinking about life and choices, life and circumstances and life and relationships.
Here are lyrics from "Someday" and "Little Wonders", both of which are performed by Rob Thomas:
Someday
You can go
You can start all over again
You can try to find a way to make another day go by
You can hide
Hold all your feelings inside
You can try to carry on when all you want to do is cry
[Chorus:]
And maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow
Someday
Now wait
And try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away then maybe you can change your mind
You can run, oh
And when everything is over and done
You can shine a little light on everything around you
Man it's good to be someone
[Chorus]
And I don't want to wait
I just want to know
I just want to hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight
Tell it to me slow
Cause maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
We'll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow
Someday
Cause sometimes we don't really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again
Little Wonders
let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we?ll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now
in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain
Both of these songs reminded me of people around me and their circumstances in life; people who have lost their husbands, wives, sons, daughters, friends, to war, cancer, hate. People who are considering a change in relationship, whether it be divorce or marriage, moving from home, or moving back. People who are about to change their lives, whether through moving or going to school, graduating, or other choices. Some people starting over or ending a chapter in their lives.
It's interesting to me to see how everyone in my life is making some sort of change. I can see it, feel it in the air. There must be something in the water, because its everywhere. I know for myself, change has been a long time coming, and I am facing a lot of change, some met with obstacles, others a smile and a word of encouragement. I am working on changing my lifestyle in many ways: the way I eat, to exercise more, those I spend time with, the way I approach situations and people, and admitting to myself that I have a serious case of postpartum depression. For me that is a difficult realization. I was raised to believe that depression was a personal weakness and that "its all in your head" and that its a choice to be depressed, and then having those who said this previously, changing their tune and deciding its ok to be on antidepressants. Very confusing for a young teenager. Going from weakness to "you must have PPD" is a hard about-face. It makes my head spin. Anyway, I know that I do have PPD and that it is something very real and can easily escalate into a very serious issue. But I know I have it, and am dealing with it in my own way. It is difficult to admit something like that though. It makes me feel almost defeated on a daily basis. Its been difficult also because I really don't have anyone to turn to that knows how to help me or support me. I have my husband, but he is a guy, and has no idea how to deal with emotions. I don't have anyone else who really understands a fraction of how I feel other than him though. My family has its own issues, and I barely get a chance to talk to them, and most of my friends either don't have kids or are married, or have their own babies to deal with of course. GO figure. :D
Well, enough of that.
Listening to these two songs just made me realize that, even though I know people who are going through crazy patches in their lives, and though I may feel it, I am not alone in feeling the way I do about life. It helps me to think of it that way, that there are people who read my posts on Facebook, who are silently supporting me and praying for me in their own way, just the same as I am keeping them in my thoughts and prayers, silently supporting them, even though I may not say so.
The lyrics of these two songs remind me that every thing is temporary: the craziness of life, the stresses and complication. That eventually they even them selves out and that:
"Someday, We'll figure all this out. We'll put an end to all our doubt. Try to find a way to just feel better now and Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud, We'll be better off somehow, Someday."
So,
"let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder. don't you know the hardest part is over let it in, let your clarity define you. In the end, we will only just remember how it feels."
5.24.2010
Mistakes.
I have made some mistakes in my life. Who hasn't, right? But where is the line when you finally realize that the mistakes you are making or have made, are just that, and that there is no lesson in them?
My life has been a complicated mess since the day I was born. I was taught that life is a mess, so I followed that pattern, and I have let my life be a mess. Isn't there a certain age when you stop just making mistakes and start learning from them? I'm 24, shouldn't I be smarter by now?
A child doesn't touch a hot stove top and then forget ten minutes later that they got burnt and that it hurt and then touch it again. Why do we do that emotionally? Why do we finally get around to stop doing the things or making choices that hurt us, only to turn around sometime later, and make the same choice or do the same thing again? Even when we know they will just hurt again, this time MORE? Why do we compromise our personal values for something that we know will just hurt us again and again with no regard for how we will feel in the long run? Certain animals are smarter than this; once an animal gets abused, they quickly become gun shy. So why don't we, (I)?
Why do we, I, do this?
Mistakes will be made, sometimes we learn from them, other times, we just live the rest of our lives regretting them. I am tired of making mistakes that I regret the moment I make them thinking that I am learning from them instead. I am just done. No more regrets, no more mistakes I continue to make over and over again.
My life has been a complicated mess since the day I was born. I was taught that life is a mess, so I followed that pattern, and I have let my life be a mess. Isn't there a certain age when you stop just making mistakes and start learning from them? I'm 24, shouldn't I be smarter by now?
A child doesn't touch a hot stove top and then forget ten minutes later that they got burnt and that it hurt and then touch it again. Why do we do that emotionally? Why do we finally get around to stop doing the things or making choices that hurt us, only to turn around sometime later, and make the same choice or do the same thing again? Even when we know they will just hurt again, this time MORE? Why do we compromise our personal values for something that we know will just hurt us again and again with no regard for how we will feel in the long run? Certain animals are smarter than this; once an animal gets abused, they quickly become gun shy. So why don't we, (I)?
Why do we, I, do this?
Mistakes will be made, sometimes we learn from them, other times, we just live the rest of our lives regretting them. I am tired of making mistakes that I regret the moment I make them thinking that I am learning from them instead. I am just done. No more regrets, no more mistakes I continue to make over and over again.
5.08.2010
Society, goverments and us as Americans.....
DISCLAIMER: This post is completely off base, I am sure, and after posting it, I am off to read my old sociology and civics books from college over again. I am completely ignorant to the way the government is run and the politics of it all. And as I am posting, I am realizing how much that I need to study up on it again. I wish I could go back to my civics class in high school. I don't understand or remember the basics of governments and the ethics of it all. Please no hateful or mean comments. Only informative and constructive if any at all, please.
I hadn't watched this movie in about 7 months when I put it in a few nights ago. We know someone who lost her husband in Afghanistan last September. I absentmindedly put it in in October, with out thinking and couldn't finish more then 10 minutes of it. It hit home too closely for comfort having known quite a few people who are in the Middle East working, or, rather more specifically, knowing some one who was Killed In Action. Its a harsh reality when you basically ignored the fact that there was a war over there in the first place.
Its not that I am ignorant to that fact, its just that as Americans, many of us have created a bubble around ourselves. That bubble is too encompassing and it allows us a false sense of protection and infallibility. That we are indestructible, invincible, all powerful.
Please don't think that this is a anti or pro war blog. Its not. Granted, I am anti war for the simple fact that I hate that people have to die because of their countries government, however, this is not a blog about war at all. It is about us as Americans and how and why we act to the rest of the world.
Most every other society in the world thinks we are all big fat idiots. Its the plain truth. At least those with the freedom to think, say and feel the way they want to do. Others still are programmed to think that we are the big Evil in the world; or rather that Westernization is, but most of the time, that means America.... Am I wrong?
As Americans, we seem to think we have some sort of superiority to the rest of the world. Why? Because we run a democracy? Because our homes are bigger? Because we are allowed to vote and are not persecuted for which way we vote? Does this make us better human beings? Does it keep us from the same corruption and depravity of other countries? The answer is a simple: No.
We are the youngest nation. Throughout history, there were new and powerful empires that thought they had the right to rule over the rest of the world, and each and every one of them crumbled. As Americans, it seems that we are in that exact position right now. Our economy is shot and has been that way for a long, long time now. People have been crying out against the government more than ever. Have we begun to be brought to our knees?
As ironic as it was, watching the movie "Team America: World Police" was pretty spot on for the way it defined us as thinking we were the Worlds police. It seems that every problem out there, we rush to help. Whether or not we are needed, or wanted. I want world peace as much as the next human being, but who says it is Americas place to enforce it?
I think that the answer lies more in society than it does in our government.
Well, I am off to study up and inform myself so I don't sound so ignorant. Wish me luck!
"[Once we clue into the fact that life is finite, the thought of losing it shouldn't] scare us anymore. The end comes no matter what. What matters is how you want to go out: on your feet or on your knees." - quote revised from The Kingdom.
I hadn't watched this movie in about 7 months when I put it in a few nights ago. We know someone who lost her husband in Afghanistan last September. I absentmindedly put it in in October, with out thinking and couldn't finish more then 10 minutes of it. It hit home too closely for comfort having known quite a few people who are in the Middle East working, or, rather more specifically, knowing some one who was Killed In Action. Its a harsh reality when you basically ignored the fact that there was a war over there in the first place.
Its not that I am ignorant to that fact, its just that as Americans, many of us have created a bubble around ourselves. That bubble is too encompassing and it allows us a false sense of protection and infallibility. That we are indestructible, invincible, all powerful.
On the morning of September, 11, 2001, this bubble was burst. This was a scary day for all of us. Personally, I was sitting in my living room, watching the morning news as I tied my shoes. I specifically remember feeling in a daze, as I watched the 2nd plane hit on live television. Not many people in my school, (as I was a sophomore in high school,) really understood the seriousness of the situation. I knew it was a big deal, but, I was naive to the reality of it all. It was surreal. It didn't seem real to me. I just went about my day as if nothing happened, even though not one of my classes did anything that day but watch television. Across the nation, I know millions of others were doing the same as they went about their daily routines, pausing in banks, post offices, in stores, in their cars as they watched and listened to the days events, floating along in a fog; was this really happening?
Please don't think that this is a anti or pro war blog. Its not. Granted, I am anti war for the simple fact that I hate that people have to die because of their countries government, however, this is not a blog about war at all. It is about us as Americans and how and why we act to the rest of the world.
Most every other society in the world thinks we are all big fat idiots. Its the plain truth. At least those with the freedom to think, say and feel the way they want to do. Others still are programmed to think that we are the big Evil in the world; or rather that Westernization is, but most of the time, that means America.... Am I wrong?
As Americans, we seem to think we have some sort of superiority to the rest of the world. Why? Because we run a democracy? Because our homes are bigger? Because we are allowed to vote and are not persecuted for which way we vote? Does this make us better human beings? Does it keep us from the same corruption and depravity of other countries? The answer is a simple: No.
We are the youngest nation. Throughout history, there were new and powerful empires that thought they had the right to rule over the rest of the world, and each and every one of them crumbled. As Americans, it seems that we are in that exact position right now. Our economy is shot and has been that way for a long, long time now. People have been crying out against the government more than ever. Have we begun to be brought to our knees?
As ironic as it was, watching the movie "Team America: World Police" was pretty spot on for the way it defined us as thinking we were the Worlds police. It seems that every problem out there, we rush to help. Whether or not we are needed, or wanted. I want world peace as much as the next human being, but who says it is Americas place to enforce it?
I think that the answer lies more in society than it does in our government.
Well, I am off to study up and inform myself so I don't sound so ignorant. Wish me luck!
5.07.2010
The soundtrack of my day.
I got a little bored this morning and put together a specific playlist for the day and decided to share it with you all.
Adele- Melt My Heart to Stone
A Fine Frenzy- Almost Lover
Sara Bareilles- Many the Miles
Duffy- Warwick Avenue
Adele...Again...- Hometown Glory
Muse- Resistance
30 Seconds to Mars- A Beautiful Lie
Boxcar Racer- There Is
Five for Fighting- 100 Years
The Pogues- Fairytale of New York
Michael Buble- Haven't Met You Yet
Flogging Molly- If I Ever Leave this World Alive
Missy Higgins- Warm Whispers
Welp, there you have it. A random, miscellaneous list of songs I felt like listening to.
Tonight, Brian is taking me somewhere for my birthday. He has been planning this for at least two months, and I do not do well with suprises. If I know something is going to happen, I get really anxious, not in a nervous way, just in an "AAAARRRGH! Just tell me damnit!" kind of way. I can't stand it. I go just crazy. Well he seems to think that I have figured it out, and I may have, but honestly, for once I did't spend hours and hours trying to figure it out. I just want to be surprised. So we will see. All I know for sure it that I am to dress up, be ready by 5:30pm, reservations are at 7:00pm, we needed an overnight babysitter and we are going north....... Hhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Today is also a significant day for Le Bebe. She turns 10 months old today. The last 2 weeks, I have been clinging desperately to the fact that she was still in the single digits..... I am sure I will do that when she turns 10 years old as well.... I can not believe how quickly time has gone since I had her. My life has been on the fast track for the last 2.5 years and I am beyond ready for it to slow down. I met B, engaged, preggo, married, moved, birthed, all in 1.5 years, now I just keep super busy between being a wife, mommy, and trying to figure out what to do with my life. Its all backwards. I started on the right track, college right out of high school, but after a year and a half, I couldn't afford it, so I dropped out, and started working and moved into my own place(s). Add that to the list prior, and everything is out of order. Oh well, what can you do?
Well, this was a completely random post.
Go out and have a beautiful sunshiney day!
Adele- Melt My Heart to Stone
A Fine Frenzy- Almost Lover
Sara Bareilles- Many the Miles
Duffy- Warwick Avenue
Adele...Again...- Hometown Glory
Muse- Resistance
30 Seconds to Mars- A Beautiful Lie
Boxcar Racer- There Is
Five for Fighting- 100 Years
The Pogues- Fairytale of New York
Michael Buble- Haven't Met You Yet
Flogging Molly- If I Ever Leave this World Alive
Missy Higgins- Warm Whispers
Welp, there you have it. A random, miscellaneous list of songs I felt like listening to.
Tonight, Brian is taking me somewhere for my birthday. He has been planning this for at least two months, and I do not do well with suprises. If I know something is going to happen, I get really anxious, not in a nervous way, just in an "AAAARRRGH! Just tell me damnit!" kind of way. I can't stand it. I go just crazy. Well he seems to think that I have figured it out, and I may have, but honestly, for once I did't spend hours and hours trying to figure it out. I just want to be surprised. So we will see. All I know for sure it that I am to dress up, be ready by 5:30pm, reservations are at 7:00pm, we needed an overnight babysitter and we are going north....... Hhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Today is also a significant day for Le Bebe. She turns 10 months old today. The last 2 weeks, I have been clinging desperately to the fact that she was still in the single digits..... I am sure I will do that when she turns 10 years old as well.... I can not believe how quickly time has gone since I had her. My life has been on the fast track for the last 2.5 years and I am beyond ready for it to slow down. I met B, engaged, preggo, married, moved, birthed, all in 1.5 years, now I just keep super busy between being a wife, mommy, and trying to figure out what to do with my life. Its all backwards. I started on the right track, college right out of high school, but after a year and a half, I couldn't afford it, so I dropped out, and started working and moved into my own place(s). Add that to the list prior, and everything is out of order. Oh well, what can you do?
Well, this was a completely random post.
Go out and have a beautiful sunshiney day!
5.06.2010
24 and just another day....
Well, today is my 24Th birthday.
Every year it strikes me as odd that regardless of what I do or don't have planned and how good or bad the year prior was, I always have the highest of expectations for the day. Its so silly and every year I am disappointed in some way.
Why do we do that? I know I am not alone. Tell me you don't think its just going to be the most fabulous of days? No one realistically wakes up on their birthday and goes, "I just know this is going to be a shit day". Nope, people (usually) wake up with a smile on their heart, hoping someone will know that it is their special day and will do something just for them.
Now don't get me wrong, I had a lovely day. A couple of let downs, but nothing so major that I am swearing off my birthday for the next year, (Don't laugh too hard, I did that for basically 5 years running).
This year was pretty nice. Got a lot of calls, a lot of emails (read: posts on my Facebook wall) and more cards than I have received in the last 4 years combine. But there were a couple things that I just felt let down about.
I am currently, well, I guess you can say "fighting" with a couple of people whom I am especially close to. I received 2 cards from them; one for my first Mothers day and the other for my birthday. Reading the cards, I guess I should just know, but there was no "Dear Selena" or "Love you!" or even a handwritten "Happy Birthday!" It was just signed "X". It just felt so impersonal. I had cards from my work and my old pastor that were more intimate than these cards were. It hurt. It hurt more receiving them than if they hadn't sent anything at all. And someone else, whom I am pretty close to, I saw today and spoke to several times, yet, that person never once said "Happy Birthday". Oh well, I guess you cant win them all.
Here is my question. Why do we put such hope and expectation into our birthdays? We are simply setting ourselves up for disappointment, or, if not this year, possibly a bigger let down the following year.
Though I know it is just another day, I always expect more from it. If I could just approach it as if it were nothing, I couldn't be let down at all, right. Bah! I will try for this next year....
That really is asking for trouble though, huh? Oh well! Ha ha!
Have a completely normal, if not boring, regular old day. ;D
Every year it strikes me as odd that regardless of what I do or don't have planned and how good or bad the year prior was, I always have the highest of expectations for the day. Its so silly and every year I am disappointed in some way.
Why do we do that? I know I am not alone. Tell me you don't think its just going to be the most fabulous of days? No one realistically wakes up on their birthday and goes, "I just know this is going to be a shit day". Nope, people (usually) wake up with a smile on their heart, hoping someone will know that it is their special day and will do something just for them.
Now don't get me wrong, I had a lovely day. A couple of let downs, but nothing so major that I am swearing off my birthday for the next year, (Don't laugh too hard, I did that for basically 5 years running).
This year was pretty nice. Got a lot of calls, a lot of emails (read: posts on my Facebook wall) and more cards than I have received in the last 4 years combine. But there were a couple things that I just felt let down about.
I am currently, well, I guess you can say "fighting" with a couple of people whom I am especially close to. I received 2 cards from them; one for my first Mothers day and the other for my birthday. Reading the cards, I guess I should just know, but there was no "Dear Selena" or "Love you!" or even a handwritten "Happy Birthday!" It was just signed "X". It just felt so impersonal. I had cards from my work and my old pastor that were more intimate than these cards were. It hurt. It hurt more receiving them than if they hadn't sent anything at all. And someone else, whom I am pretty close to, I saw today and spoke to several times, yet, that person never once said "Happy Birthday". Oh well, I guess you cant win them all.
Here is my question. Why do we put such hope and expectation into our birthdays? We are simply setting ourselves up for disappointment, or, if not this year, possibly a bigger let down the following year.
Though I know it is just another day, I always expect more from it. If I could just approach it as if it were nothing, I couldn't be let down at all, right. Bah! I will try for this next year....
That really is asking for trouble though, huh? Oh well! Ha ha!
Have a completely normal, if not boring, regular old day. ;D
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