Pardon the reference to Spongebob, apparently my humor these days consists of quoting lines from movies and t.v. shows. Haha!
So, as I implied, its been a while since I last posted, and I felt it was high time for a new one. In keeping with my diet, I have lost an additional 5lbs since my last post, making it a total of 20lbs. Having been insanely busy with the show I was in, "once Upon a Mattress", I havent stuck to my diet very well, scarfing down food when I had the chance, not alway being the best choices; i.e. fast food, junk food, Red Bull (sugar free of course). Yet I still managed to lose a little.
I have been thinking a lot about relationships and body image lately. Having overheard a conversation someone had, I felt the need to engage in a touchy subject for many people dealing with obesity, weight gain, body image issues and eating disorders.
I overheard someone say that they planned to lose a large amount of weight and that, once they did, the person they had feelings for would realize hidden feelings for them. Now, this brings to mind three relationships I have had over the last 6 years. The first, I was rather thin, or, more specifically, much thinner than I am now. The second, I started out just as thin, but due to various things in my life, gain in all, 65lbs. A depressing number to me, thus being my goal to lose. The last, and present, I started out at 180 and have fluctuated (due to pregnancy) between that and 160lbs (my current weight). I want to address not the weight I gained neccesarily, but the quality of relationships that I had in this time.
The first, was, I feel, purely superficial, and not a great relationship. Nor was it bad, but I felt compared to this guys previous girlfriend a lot, who was beautiful and thin. The next, I started out thin, but quickly gained 10-20lbs in a matter of 6 months. I did not notice my weight gain, until I was several sizes larger than before. Being as my weight as a issue to me, I was greatly depressed over this, yet failed to do anything about it, and continued gaining weight. This relationship was the worst of all. Having been the second person this guy had ver dated, I was most certainly compared to his ex girlfriend on a daily basis, considering that she never went over a size 5, (as far as he told me, on several occasions). This relationship quickly lost momentum, and for a while, I believed I could "win" him back if only I lost the weight that I had gained, which by the end of the relationship, was close to 55lbs. I did not realize that, it wasn't neccesarily my weight, though I am sure that was a factor to his unattraction towards me at some point, but my attitude, and my behaviour.
THe final, and current relationship, being with my husband, Brian, has been the best of all, though, as all relationships go, we still have our issues. But not one of them comes in the form of body imagery in any way. I do not feel pressure from him about my weight, though I have fluctuated a bit in the 2 1/2 years we have been together. But the factor that is different in our relationship compared to the two previous: attitudes. Attitudes and expectations all around. Though he as well, had a thin ex-girlfriend prior to meeting me, he understood that body image is not what makes a quality relationship, and I finally understood that as well.
I no longer believe that if I became a magic number on the scale, immediately, a relationship would get better. Its the attitude that one gains from negative feelings and/or life experiences. I had to stop thinking that my weight had anything to do with the demise or success of my relationships. Women all around this world feel pressure more now than ever about gaining or loosing weight. Though, lately I have seen subtle changes in society's perception of what makes a beautiful woman, herion chic was the standard for many years.
Size 12 in 1950: Bust 30, Waist 24, Hip 33.
Size 12 in 2010: Bust 39, Waist 31, Hip 41.
What does that say about todays standard of woman? That the number on the size you wear is more important of the woman that you are?
I’d rather be a few pounds heavier and enjoy life. Drew Barrymore
The one noticeable similarity with almost all serial killer victims is their short height and low weight. Pat Brown
I’m fat, but I’m thin inside. …There’s a thin man inside every fat man. George Orwell
In the Middle Ages, they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips and chains. Nowadays, we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale. Stephen Phillips
There are so many different views on weight loss/gain. Those who want to be thin advocate to be thinner, those what are thin advocate that being fat is disgusting and unhealthy, those who are overweight say that fat is beautiful, even re-wording it "curvy" or "more to love". I myself have been guilty of saying this on numerous occasions, but you know what? I realized that it simply enabled me to just brush off how unhealthy I had become.
Well, There's my thoughts for the day. Just felt the need to share.
Love and Light!!
