If you know me, you know that I am pretty much an open book when it comes to my life. I have nothing to hide, and if I do, I just don't tell you about it. But mostly, I am an open book. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and you know who and what I care about.
In the last year, I have changed. A LOT. I have become mean, vindictive and spiteful. Three things I had always prided myself on NOT being. As a child, I was bright, bubbly, inquisitive, imaginative, helpful and kind. The older I got, I soon discovered sarcasm, and used it often as a protective shield against the world and those things that I was afraid of. Did I just say that in the past tense? Allow me to rephrase... I use it often against things I am afraid of. Lately, I have realized that I am cantankerous, short tempered and petty.
Even as I sit here typing, I try to pass this off as someone else' fault. If only Soandso was not a part of my life, or if Whatshisname had never broken my heart, or, IfonlyIhad/hadn't made X choice..... I find it hard in remembering that I make my own choices to be who/what I want to be. No one else makes that decision for me. ME.
Life is hard, and full of foolish mistakes; whether they be what you allow to affect you and you attitude, or whether we allow someone to use us in a negative manner, or going where we want to in life or being too passive to make the choices that ultimately make the ME happy and contented in life.
I constantly find myself making choices in what and how something affects me. Lately, I have taken the lazy, easy, passive route which ultimately make things (read:life) harder than necessary. I have let things in my life that I have NO control over take ME over and harden me into a less caring, angry individual. Instead of looking to the positive, and letting these things roll off of my back, I have let them gather into a chip on my shoulder.
Life is tough, so what are you going to do about it?
I heard this some where at some point in my life, and it didn't apply to me then, so I apparently stored it up to use when it did apply to me; and I have referenced it to myself a lot in the last 5 years, but till now, rarely applied it to my daily decisions.
Life is tough, so why make it harder on yourself by choosing to gather the negative in a burden to carry on you back?
Well, there's today's random thought.
Hope you have a sunshiney, summery day!
I too have lost much of myself to sarcasm. I'm on the journey back, but it is tough.
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